1.  SLEEP/ENERGY IS THE MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY. 

*Never visit for more than 45 minutes in the first 3 weeks.  (1.5 hrs. for weeks 3-7) 

    No matter how much they love you, you are keeping them awake.  Time has a completely different meaning when you haven’t slept for more than 3 hours in a row. 

    Set the alarm on your cell phone.  And no matter how intoxicating that new baby is, when it sounds, it’s time to go.

2.  WHAT THEY REALLY NEED:

*FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!  (They have little time/energy to cook, and breastfeeding mamas are really hungry!)  So, bring a casserole or meal.  Frozen or from a restaurant is fine.  Go for the gold–bring a gift card or money for a future meal, too!

*HELP!  Chances are they have been inundated with cute baby outfits and flowers…Why not ask if you could run a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, or do a grocery run for them?  Or, go for the gold–a gift certificate for a house cleaning service, or postpartum doula care. 

–Limit phone calls, emails, text messaging new parents.  (see #1)

–Don’t necessarily expect to hold the baby.  The baby is theirs.  Be content to oogle while mom or dad hold the baby.  If you are invited to hold the baby, great!  (hope you remembered to wash your hands first!)

Most new parents are too polite to ask you to limit your visit time or bring food…And it’s hard to ask for help with your laundry, dishes, groceries, even though they probably desperately need these things far more than baby gear. 

If you can nail these basic concepts, chances are you’ll be invited back again soon….And might even hear a tale or two about the visitors who camped out and wouldn’t leave!

Greatest risk factor for Postpartum Depression=LACK of partner’s support.

Your partner’s role in the early weeks of your baby’s life is critical.  This unique and challenging time can bring you closer together or put strain on your relationship.  The goal is to get dad involved ASAP.  Some dads feel insecure in their baby care knowledge/ability, assuming you are the expert.  Here are a few ways to get around this obstacle….

*PRENATAL PREPARATION:  

–If possible, take a Baby Care or Breastfeeding Class together.  (If not, then at least rent a quality baby care how-to and watch it together.)

–Make sure Dad knows you’ll be counting on him to recall information when you are sleep-deprived and overloaded with hormones.

–Paint a clear picture of how he can help after the birth.  (See Tactical Support Below)

*POSTPARTUM:

–The sooner dad gets his feet wet, the better.  Encourage him to change diapers, help burp baby, and hold the baby.  Remind him that you are both learning by doing.

–No matter what he does, PRAISE his efforts. 

–Teach dad how to let baby suck on his fingertip.  (clean pinky finger, nail side to baby’s tongue.  This won’t create nipple confusion, gives dad an easy way to soothe baby, and a new appreciation for what it’s like to breastfeed!)

*TACTICAL SUPPORT:

–Hold baby while you shower, nap, eat, etc.

–Bring you food and drinks while you feed/care for baby

–Deflect phone calls/visitors while you rest.

–Do laundry, cooking, and cleaning OR delegate these chores to paid services or relatives who can help out.

–If dad is open to it, teach him how to wear baby in a sling, wrap, or structured carrier. 

–Give him quality time alone with the baby–even if it’s only 20 minutes in the beginning.  Trust me, you want him to feel confident in his ability to take care of the baby!

–By 4-6 weeks postpartum, you can safely express breast milk and let dad take on longer shifts alone with the baby.  So, get pumping and get out of the house…Or, better yet, get some sleep!

–If you’re formula feeding, than there’s no reason to wait!  Dad can alternate night shifts with you.  (Or, at least 4 hr. shifts in the beginning.)

    If dad is included from the beginning, everyone wins.  Mom feels she’s part of a partnership and gets much-needed help.  Dad feels needed and bonds with his baby.  Baby learns early that he/she has 2 parents who love them and will meet their needs.

     It would be great if dads could hone their ESP skills, but until then, accept that you need to ASK him (repeatedly) for what you need.  Part 2 of your job, is to copiously thank him for every thing he does.  (And let him hear you bragging about his skills to a friend or relative.)  This initial extra effort could set the tone for shared parenting bliss. 

Biology has a clever way of ensuring you respond to your baby’s cries–your blood pressure and heart rate accelerate.  (It’s stressful to hear your baby cry.)  But, to get your baby to relax, you have to be calm.  Take deep breaths.  Speak in soothing tones.  Show your baby that everything is (or soon will be) okay.

Rule out food variables.

Food sensitivities can show up as early as 2.5 weeks of age.  (Sometimes sooner.)  If your baby is showing signs of reflux (fussy after feeding, spit up, possibly green or mucousy poop), than consider their diet.  For breastfeeding moms, dairy is the most common culprit.  If mom cuts out dairy, expect to see improvement within 5-7 days.  For more on breastfeeding and food sensitivities: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/food-sensitivity.html

If you’re formula feeding, talk with your doctor about switching formulas.  Also, beware of overfeeding.  Babies need to suck–it’s not unusual for a baby to continue sucking on a bottle even after they’re full.  Your baby might just need more sucking time.  Your fingertip is the second best thing for them to suck on–it allows skin-to-skin contact and is more engaging than a silicone pacifier.  But, pacifiers can help, too. 

Wear your baby.

Wearing your baby in a sling or baby-carrier while you’re walking around.  I prefer slings for newborns-5 months of age.  Putting the sling on is only a 2 step process (structured carriers are often 5-steps) and slings allow babies to assume natural fetal positions.  For more on the benefits of baby wearing: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051100.asp#T051103   If you’ve tried a sling and just don’t feel it’s for you, than I recommend the Ergo Baby Carrier.  Unlike a Bjorn, you can actually breastfeed while using it, and you can use it to carry on the front, back or hip.  http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/

Baths.

A warm bath not only soothes a baby, but can help gas and digestive upsets, too.  If you can, take your baby in the bath tub WITH you.  Either way, your baby will be more relaxed a sleep better afterwards.

Infant Massage.

Massage is a great way to relax your baby!  It enhances your bond, provides skin-to-skin contact and has been linked to many benefits: http://www.iaim.ws/Benefits.html 

A Change in Scenery.

Take your baby outside.  Even if it’s just on your porch, often the abrupt change in atmosphere distracts them from fussing and helps them calm down. 

A Walk.

For the most benefits, wear your baby outside for a walk….Or use a stroller. 

Running Water.

Take your baby to the sink and put their feet under warm running water.  Or wash their hair.  This mini-spa treatment usually calms them right down, and you don’t have to bother with the baby tub, getting them undressed, etc.

White Noise or Parent’s Voice.

Sing to your baby.  Or talk slowly about anything.  Or use white noise (fans, washing machines, vacuums, or static from a radio all work.)  Newborns can easily become unsettled by the irregular quiet/noise of modern life. 

If your baby has a ‘witching’ hour (particular time of day when they fuss), than form a pre-emptive strategy.  So, if your baby begins to unravel at 7pm, plan a walk for 6 followed by a soothing massage.  If possible, remove additional demands from your time so you can give your baby one-on-one attention when they need it most.

Here’s what I would consider the most essential reading or movies out there.

During Pregnancy:

*Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper  (This RN and midwife takes you step by step through the most prevalant medical myths and provides eye-opening evidence.)

*The Business of Being Born DVD (Available through Netflix)

*The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers by Dr. Jack Newman <OR>

*So That’s What They’re For by Janet Tamaro (A fun yet informative take on Breastfeeding)

Optional, but compelling:

–What Babies Want DVD, narrated by Noah Wylie

–Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

–Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon

After birth:

*The Baby Book by Dr. Sears  (This incredibly comprehensive resource contains just about everything you’d want to know about newborns through 2 years of age.  This pediatrician and father of 8 is incredibly knowledgeable.)

*The Year After Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger

*The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley  (Fabulous information on infant/toddler sleep…And exactly as title suggests!)

These are all great resources for evidence-based information.  However, it’s really important to remember that YOU are the only authority on YOUR baby’s needs.  If something doesn’t feel right–no matter who says it…DO NOT DO IT! 

**A word of CAUTION**  Despite the American Academy of Pediatrics specific warning against “Babywise” there are still people who hold it up as an alternative.  There is clear evidence that babies are at risk for dehydration and Failure to Thrive when parents are attempting rigid “parent-directed feeding” schedules.  (Secrets of a Baby Whisperer also advocates parent-directed feeding.)  For additional information on the warnings:  www.ezzo.info

What books/movies did you find most helpful?  Post a comment and share!

For many parents, life with a new baby generates a lot of waste.  But it doesn’t have to….Here a few simple ways you can dramatically reduce your carbon footprint while simplifying your early parenting.  (And, nearly all of these tips will save you money, too!)

*Breastfeeding.  Not only is breastfeeding best for you and your baby’s health, but it’s far better for the environment!  Formula feeding generates an excessive amount of bottles (which require energy to clean and sterilize) and packaging from formula containers. 

–Formula feeding parents can reduce their waste by using powdered formula. 

*Diapering.  This is a big one, as many newborns use 360 diapers a month!  You have several environmentally friendly options…..

– Tushies and Seventh Generation offer biodegradeable diapers. 

–GDiapers have a cloth exterior, but disposable/flushable insert that gives many of the benefits of cloth diapering with less work.

–Cloth Diapering.  Some areas offer Cloth Diaper service, or you can launder them yourself. 

–Elimination Communication.  The greenest option, but requires some work.  Learning to read your child’s cues could allow you to go Diaper Free entirely!  To learn more about this technique:  http://www.essortment.com/family/eliminationcomm_ttvl.htm

*Wipes.  Did you know that urine is sterile?  There is no need to use a wipe when changing a wet diaper. 

–Especially in the first few weeks, (when wipes should be avoided) washcloths work better.  Fill a pump thermos with hot water and pump onto cloth washcloths for diaper changes.  Or, use a wipe warmer (slightly less eco-friendly, but still better than disposable wipes!)  After 6 weeks, you can add some baby soap to the washcloth.

*Pre-Owned Baby Clothes.  Many parents happily lend out or give away their outgrown baby clothes.  There are also many consignment shops out where you can get excellent, brand name clothes at a fraction of the retail price.  Pre-owned clothing is a great way to re-use, and is gentler on baby’s skin.  (fewer chemical residues from repeated washing.)

With a little forethought, we can give our children a safer, less-toxic environment.

In the first 2 weeks, most babies only wake to eat.  This is your ‘grace period.’  The sleep stretches are usually just 2-3 hours long and evenly distributed over day and night. 

Beginning at 2 weeks of age, you might see an entirely different baby.  While some quietly become more alert and aware, others become very vocal!  (This is also when food sensitivities and allergies become noticeable.  If your baby has signs of reflux or colicky behavior, breastfeeding moms should consider eliminating the most common allergens from their diets.  Formula feeding parents may need to consult their doctor or try more hypo-allergenic formulas.)

You can gently begin to introduce the concept of day/night.  The basic message is: Daytime is fun/engaging/stimulating…(Except for naptime!)  And night time is dark/boring. 

*Keep your room dark. 

*Use white noise.

*SWADDLE!!!  (Swaddling your baby can increase their sleep by 40%.  The Miracle Blanket is the most effective swaddle blanket I’ve seen.) 

Co-Sleeping can be a great option for many parents.  There’s a lot of propaganda out there…If you and your baby sleep best together, do it!  For great information on safe co-sleeping:

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

If your baby seems to wake more frequently when co-sleeping, then experiment with a bassinet in your room, or in a separate room.  (Equally important–if YOU feel too nervous to get good sleep with your baby there!) 

 While you’re dealing with frequent night wakings in the newborn stage, you have to get sleep whenever you can.  If you can, adapt to your newborn’s pattern and sleep during the day, you’ll be much more able to cope with the wakings at night. 

Your energy is precious and limited in the first few weeks–do NOT waste it on household tasks that you could delegate to someone else.  You can order groceries online.  Have dry-cleaning and laundry delivered.  Have visitors bring food.  (Or, get a Postpartum Doula )

Pay no attention to the  ’spoiling’ your baby myth!  Babies have needs.  They express them.  It really does not matter if your baby is hungry, cold, or lonely–what matters is that a compassionate caregiver responds when they cry out.

As you move into month 2, your baby will be sleeping (hopefully!) for longer stretches of time.  This is a great time to introduce routines that will help your baby relax and prepare to sleep. 

The minimum ideal at this point is for mom to be getting one 4 hour stretch of sleep.  I cannot stress the importance of this enough.  Burnout can snowball into far worse.  Please realize that your baby is counting on you to take care of yourself, too!  This is a safe time to introduce a bottle of expressed breastmilk and have dad or grandma, etc. take the baby into another room and let you sleep.  (Breastfeeding mamas actually make MORE milk after getting rest!)

 For more detailed information on improving your baby’s sleep….Read Elizabeth Pantley’s: The No-Cry Sleep Solution.  In this easy-to-read book, you’ll find a greater understanding of infant/toddler sleep and some very practical (& baby-friendly) sleep solutions.

Parenting a newborn/baby can be very challenging.  But it can be impossible if you’re not taking care of yourself.  If you’re not one of the lucky few, blessed with a great sleeper…Get help so you can get the rest you need!  (& read Pantley’s book ASAP!)

[I have no affiliation with the Miracle Blanket or Elizabeth Pantley.]